How to Make a First Kiss

It depends where you are sitting when reading this article. For many countries in Asia for example kissing is a private affair that almost never happens in public. I remember a Filipino guy I worked with in Singapore who was completely amazed to the point of hysteria that two men were seen kissing in public on the London tube. He simply couldn’t deal with that concept at all. I have lived in Asia for a while and it was very rare the whole time I was there to meet indigenous people who kissed openly. Indeed in Thailand it was far more common to rub noses than to ever touch lips.


Kissing is a sexual act to some degree and some societies simply do not view kissing as appropriate behavior in public. Even in the UK , overt kissing in public is often frowned upon by older members of the public, even if as a youngster its perfectly natural. Then again on a summer evening in Rome, or a city park in Paris, I would expect to see couples of every age group kissing passionately as the most natural thing in the world. It all depends on where you are you see.



In western society kissing is a pretty normal mainstream pastime and rather lovely at that. The problem occurs when we start dating and are not sure when we should kiss and to what extent. The crux appears to be that we want our first kiss with someone we like to be prefect. If we begin dating and we don’t kiss its unsettling, but if we are French Kissing (openmouthed) on day 1 the romance can dissolve too quickly. So it is a matter of waiting.
There is no definite here but it is pretty much accepted that on a first date, if it goes well then you should offer or accept a small kiss on the cheek and nothing more. This will occur when you go your separate ways and says that a basic level of attraction has been built up. The desire may be to kiss the lips off your date but hold back if you can. Anticipation is the mother of desire.
Of course by your second date, if you are both displaying all the signs of attraction then it won’t take long before you are kissing more passionately but again it depends on the situation, culture and person you are with. Find the right place and wait as long as you cam I was dating a girl in Hong Kong and waited two weeks , seeing her 4 times a week, before we kissed properly. Believe me the kiss was worth the wait because it happened at the top of the mountain above Hong Kong called The Peak set against the lightening of an electric storm. An electric kiss it surely was and totally memorable for all the right reasons.
One thing that amazes me even now is how many people can’t kiss. What I mean by that is that there are some people out there for who kissing means the oral Olympics. Having your tonsils pinned against the back of your throat by a tongue hardened like a javelin is not pleasant. The other issue seems to be people who purse their lips and make their mouth very hard when kissing. Kissing is a soft, delicate and sensual pastime savored slowly. Follow the lips of your partner and take things slowly and gently, allowing lips to brush and move so much so that they hardly touch. Kissing should make you shiver. Concentrate on the delicate corners of the mouth which are extremely sensitive and generally let the force guide you. As many woman will tell a man, kissing can be undertaken for hours and many women prefer kissing to anything else. It can be extremely sensual and sexual so don’t ignore the technique.
I remember a date once telling me that she could never kiss passionately until she was sure the man was in love with her. She felt that ‘proper’ kissing was so explicit that it was inextricably linked to sex. If she began to kiss properly she wanted to go to bed. This tell us that kissing on dates means different things to different people. Don’t expect too much at first, a kiss to some people means a great deal more to some than it may to you.
Sometimes dates will be shy and require encouragement to kiss so once you have had a few dates do take the initiative if you feel your date is being a little too shy and requires cajoling. The problem with that though is that many men are convinced they have misread the signals and dare not try and kiss in case they are wrong. This in turn can lead to a man appearing as lacking in confidence which can be critically bad. Take it from me guys, if you are on your third or fourth date and you haven’t kissed but you are getting on great you may be better taking some small initiative.
Guys should also remember that kissing does not automatically lead to any other physical contact for some time, so be patient and take things slowly.

• Make sure you know how to kiss
• Ensure your hygiene is spot on
• Carry some gum if you need to freshen up
• Floss regularly
• Remember to kiss gently and sensitively
• Wait until you are ready to kiss and choose your moment
• Allow the passion of kissing to build up slowly
• Remember that a first kiss should be memorable
• take the initiative if your partner is shy
• Learn the key body signals that demonstrate conclusively that your date wants to be kissed
• Remember that good kissing can be as sensual as sex
• Appreciate that some people do not liked to be kissed in public

Body Language Matters aot

This is the language where you don’t need any words. Women have been doing it for hundreds of years to attract the man they want. Becoming fluent in body language will ensure that you will be skilled in attracting the right man and sending the get lost signal to the wrong man.
Eyeing Up the Prize
The more eye contact you establish with the target the better. Start with some sidelong glances. Then, begin with direct eye contact. Once he turns to meet your gaze, immediately lower your eyes and smile to yourself. This will tell him that you were watching him and are embarrassed that he caught you — a sure sign of interest. Next, be bold and try holding his stare and flash a smile.


If there is a man that is giving you the eye and you are not interested, look away from him and don’t look back at him again. While having a conversation, looking at the ceiling and around the room also shows a definite lack of interest.
First Impressions Count
You leave your home ready to go to a party when you spot your gorgeous neighbor and he doesn’t give you a second glance. Why? Because you aren’t dressed your best. When you enter a room, most people look to see who has come in. This is when you have to make an impression. Looking your best will make you feel your best. So make sure that before you leave your front door, look your best. You never know. You just might just attract the attention of that gorgeous neighbor.
The Hand Job (no, not what you are thinking!)
Even without direct contact, your hands can send very powerful messages. There are a number of ways to convey that you want to get to know someone. Keeping your hands unclenched shows you’re open to him. Using your hands to caress objects, such as the rim of your glass, locks of your hair, or the sleeve of your blouse in a rhythmic (as opposed to fidgety) manner, can be a sensual act. And for the brave, try picking fluff off his jacket, touching him to punctuate a point, or using the “accidental touch” when reaching for the salt.
Hands jammed in pockets, cleaning eyeglasses or balled in tight fists are all bad signs. Finger tapping, drumming, pointing or wagging are also signals to move on.
Stand Out
Your posture is one of the most telling signals you transmit. An open posture is evidence of an open person. Turning your body toward the man you’re conversing with, keeping your feet flat on the floor and leaning forward are actions that show interest. Also, slightly tilting your head, crossing and uncrossing your legs and thrusting your chest forward give the message that you are interested.
Crossing your arms, holding a drink high in front of you, turning your body away or resting your feet on their toes will tell a person you are not interested.
A Few Extra Tips
Hopefully by now you have an attack plan for when it’s time to get down and dirty, or when it’s best just to wave the white flag. Here are just a few more tips when trying to perfect your body language skills:

• You’ll know things are going really well when you begin “mirroring” one another’s body language and gestures.

• Don’t tease him by offering more than you plan to follow through with. This can lead to very ugly circumstances.

• Chain smoking, being extremely intoxicated, or having eyes only for your plate of food will not put you in the best standingfor the body language game.

• If you try your hand at it, and he’s not responding, abort the mission immediately.

• Following him around all night will only serve in making you look needy and desperate.

And finally, if all else fails, buy yourself a T-shirt that reads, “Looking for Love.”

Romance or Flowers - You Decide!

Romance means flowers. They are beautiful creations of nature, colorful, delicate and small works of art. There are few women in this world who do not like receiving flowers and there are fewer still reasons why flowers should not be given throughout the year. Men still appear to have a problem with giving flowers and look completely lost in a decent florist. There are no excuses for this guys. So it is about time men got to grips with giving flowers to women more regularly.


The first thing that strikes me is that men often view flowers as superfluous, too expensive, a complete waste of cash or simply unnecessary. Well guys you are wrong on all counts. And just to be clear, the person writing this article is a man. A man who shows a knowledge of flowers and feels very comfortable selecting and purchasing for his lady is sexy, shows knowledge and confidence. He is happy with himself, his sexuality and his abilities. A man who doesn’t know where a florist is, has hardly ever bought flowers, doesn’t know pink ones from yellow ones is a pathetic creature who deserves to be single.
The worst kind of flower incident of the year has got to be Valentine’s day. On this day the florists are crowded and the phone rings off the hook. The poor shops are under pressure from hoards of men who are clamoring for two dozen red roses for their loved ones. For the other 364 days a year such men don’t even know where the florist is. Interflora and the many delivery firms are stretched to overload in delivering the same de rigueur flowers across the land. My problem is that there are so many beautiful flowers throughout the year that you could give and nowhere near as expensive as on 14 February. Your date would love to receive early spring flowers like tulips of daffodils. They would love to receive pink roses in June or even a single daisy in August.
The problem is that men often think that the act of buying flowers threatens their masculinity. They see the whole process as a chore, they often don’t appreciate what they are buying and quite frankly it shows. It makes me angry when there are so many beautiful florists in each city that are largely ignored by them men of our world. I was not surprised to see in a local florists the other day an ad saying to women, he will never buy them so why not get your own. How sad an indictment is that.
I recommend that all men who have a problem with flowers should start getting their act together immediately. I am not asking that we should all know the Latin names of every plant out there but we should be getting to grips with the common varieties and exotic varieties now on offer and then get into the groove of buying them spontaneously. My sister’s house always smells fresh and beautiful from the white lilies her boyfriend buys her very regularly. That’s impressive. I recommend the following tips:

• Locate a good local or city florist
• Always keep a reliable delivery number in your wallet
• Never send flowers every day, its cheap and tacky
• Learn the basics about flowers and their colors
• Know the seasonal flowers and the filler flowers like Gypsophilia
• Get used to the fact that flowers cost money
• Find out what kind of flowers your loved one likes
• Join a short evening class at your local florist if possible
• Never rely on red roses as being the only flower worth giving
• Be adventurous and go for single exotic flowers occasionally
• A single well chosen flower speaks volumes of romance
• Never be afraid to carry flowers down a street, you look good my friend.

Flowers do not need to be expensive, they are only expensive at Christmas or on Valentine’s day. Learn to go for the simple approach with flowers and select by color. Know which plants last longest also helps you get value for money. If possible get flowers in an arrangement that is made especially for you in the shop but don’t go mad with size. Big is not necessarily best. Select arrangements that have a water ball at the bottom to keep them fresh.
And remember guys, you don’t just need to spontaneously buy your girlfriend flowers, you can buy for your mum and her mum too. Flowers are an act of giving which display thought and good choice without being inappropriate or expensive. Show your class.

How to Overcome your Dating Partner

The biggest problem in our dating world are jealous and possessive men. While they are desperate to find a woman they can love and adore, once they have found her possessive men most often do not believe they can keep hold of her due to a lack of self-confidence, self-respect and self-belief. They don’t truly believe they deserve the girl so they try and subjugate her to rely on them and increase the woman’s sense of dependency. It is all too common these days as more and more men feel uneasy about who they truly are and lack self-esteem.


The first hurdle a woman faces is in not being able to spot a jealous and possessive man in advance. He is charming and good-looking, he has the world at his feet so it appears and you have absolutely no reason to think he isn’t prince charming. And maybe he is Mr. nice-guy at this stage. But if you know then what you later discover things would be much easier.
I first spotted possessive-man-syndrome whilst working for a few years in a regular job in an English city. At the end of day I would walk home to my apartment and was always impressed as to how many boyfriends sat patiently in their cars waiting to pick up their girlfriends and wives from work. I dare say in retrospect a few were genuine but it took me some months of seeing the same faces before I cottoned on to the fact that these guys were not there for the best of reasons. The cat was let out of the bag by a woman friend who said that she could never go for a drink after work because her boyfriend didn’t like it and always insisted he picked her up from work at 5pm on the dot. If she needed to go anywhere she had to let him know in advance.
This shocking revelation may be will known to many women readers but for a guy I hadn’t realized at that time quite how large the problem was. The key issue it appears is a man’s low self-esteem. Usually the possessive and jealous guy believes his lady will be stolen away from him. He doesn’t trust her or her words of love and ignores the fact that she stays with him. He feels she is plotting to escape at any turn, looking for a way out and doesn’t really love him at all. Why? Simply because he feels he doesn’t deserve her and deep down believes she could do far better than him.
This causes the possessive man a dilemma. If she would really like to run away then how can I make her stay. Easy, what I will do is make her dependent on me, make her need me and want me and have no need to be anywhere but with me. Even if I go out every night with my male buddies. The man doesn’t love himself so he doesn’t understand why she loves him either. But he needs to feel she does, so he needs to have demonstrations as to how far she will go for him. He will promote the positive attitude of staying at home together and group social activities will be extinguished. At home you are where he can see you.
As a relationship develops the possessive man will find ways of ensuring you are there for him. He will create fictitious scenarios where he needs your help and assistance which affect your social routine. Rather than meeting friends you will be assisting him. Of course at first this is all part of romantic relationship building. After all you want to spend as much time as possible with the man you love. Bit by bit he will divorce you for your everyday friends and activities, even spending time illustrating how your friends are not really your true friends. He is isolating you for his own needs.
Once he has done that he will also then criticize you and make you feel bad about yourself to ensure that you too have low self esteem. If you don’t feel good about yourself then how will anyone else ever want you. He will tell you how lucky you are to have him and he will always love you for who you are. And eventually he will build up that degree of dependence (and fear) so much that you will truly believe that what he says is true. Your own identity becomes a thing of the past and your friends will make many worried comments to you that you will ignore or make excuses for.
At this stage you are now where he wants you, isolated and dominated. He feels better about himself because you depend on him, but he will never trust you, because he will always believe that there is a conspiracy that you will escape. That you don’t really love him after all. He needs constant demonstration and proof that you do. Your friends and his will not know any of this though they may suspect. He will still be the great social guy in groups. Bit it can get to the point where you dread going out socially in case you get a hard time when you get home. This my friends, is not what your life is all about. This isn’t why we date and have relationships. Yes we all want to feel desired, wanted and loved in our lover’s eyes. But not like this.
A little jealousy, ironically can go along way. Women (and men) like being loved and wanted and a secure arm round the waist drawing you in can be great fun. Small amounts of jealousy (very small in a playful way) can be attractive and sexy. But its knowing when things have gone too far that matters. Many women have admitted to me that a man who has not a single jealous bone in his body cannot really love her. A man needs to show he cares by drawing her in occasionally. Both parties feel good from this. But it has to be kept under control.
There are many reasons why men are becoming more possessive in today’s society and we all have our own theories. It is possible that with the rise of women in the workplace and in determining their own independence financially and socially, that men feel increasingly threatened. Their traditional role as husband and father, the dominant voice in the household, is increasingly archaic and has little place in current society. Instead they are desperately attempting to reposition themselves in a relationship and find out what their new role really is. But old habits die hard and men still try and cling on to the ways in which they were brought up. It will take time for men to learn that they are not always the primary focus in a relationship and must give as much attention to the needs of their partner, as they give to him. And to be honest I do not expect miracles overnight.
Men who don’t feel good about their own domestic roles, their lack of masculinity, their frustrations with their own poor career, their lack of financial success, their dominant parental influences and their general lack of well-being can all assist in the progression of possessive tendencies. To own someone is not to have them. To be loved is an open invitation, not something to be captured and kept imprisoned.
A happy, confident, self-assured man doesn’t have issues about possession and jealousy. No although many aspects of a relationship may be shared, he also treasures his girlfriend’s independence and her assured separate set of values, as she does in him. Relationships are about sharing but also about retaining freedom of self expression and personal identity. Realtionships are also about innate trust.
There was an interesting article recently in a national newspaper about how dominant career women with great success and financial wealth often still had very dominant partners at home. Let us not confuse manliness and masculinity with possessiveness. Jealousy and possessiveness is about stripping away confidence, esteem and dignity. It is about subjugating and decrying the needs of the injured party for the wishes of the stronger force. That has no place in our modern world.
Jealous and possessive men are sad and pathetic creatures who are all too common today. As a woman you do not need ever to put up with them and neither do they really deserve you. The huge irony involved is that had the guy been relaxed and self-assured he would probably have never lost you in the first place, but his low self-esteem meant that he forced to happen what he most dreaded. You leaving him. If you are reading this and have yet to leave, then you will need your friends and family to assist as you are dealing with a person with serious psychological issues. He will try and keep you and will use any psychological measure he can to make you need him and come back. He will work on the weak spots he has already created in you.
But do try and take heart. Many women have been in the same situation and moved on. Even if it is very hard. As women become increasingly confident in their own lives, so some men fall away into lesser self-esteem. There are lots of really nice guys out there to date and love and the one you have is not the one who will make you happy, whatever he says. It can take a long time to heal some of the trauma you have been put through, but the fact is, it is your life and your world and if you want to do whatever you like to make yourself happy, that is 100% your prerogative to do so. We don’t need jealous and possessive men in this world and the sooner they sort themselves out without your help, the better.
Danger Signals:

• Dismay and suggestions as to how you should dress
• Overly concerned about where you are going when socializing
• Insistence on escorting you to mundane places
• Interference with your social plans
• Excessive phone calls to know your whereabouts
• Overly intense nature to anything
• Inability to communicate and discuss
• Putting you down and anything that makes you feel inferior
• Lack of outlook and poor self-esteem or lack of confidence
• Dominant overtones in domestic arrangements
• Aggressive temper and unreasonable attitude to minor details

How to End a Romantic Date

The end of a date can be awkward or it can be exhilarating. Should you lean in for a kiss? Will she give you her phone number? What will he think if you invite him in? If your date has gone poorly or if you’ve definitely decided you are not interested in seeing this person again, is the end of the date an appropriate time to bring this up, or should you just avoid their phone calls and pretend to have fallen off the face of the Earth?


1. If you really didn’t have a great time, you can always end the date early by telling a white lie about having an urgent meeting, phone call, appointment to attend to. Your date will surely not be a fool and will understand what you are trying to say, and probably will appreciate you sparing their feelings. Better still, simply be kind but truthful and point out that you don’t think you will be an ideal match, that you have had a lovely evening, but there is no chemistry/connection/whatever the issue is.
2. Never allow someone to believe there is more on offer than there really is. Do not keep your options open with someone if you don’t intend to call them. It is always better to end the date as a full-stop than to keep someone hanging on for weeks afterwards. Don’t falsely keep someone’s hopes up, ever.
3. If you are a guy, pay the bill or get the check, whatever you believe. This is not the moment to start quibbling over who had what from the menu and splitting things. The age of chivalry is not dead and you had the company of the lady this evening, therefore it is your task to leave an excellent and chivalrous image by getting out your credit card.
4. If the lady insists on paying half, this can be the sign of a no-strings-attached evening out and that she prefers to leave things in a very even way. If she wants to do this, it is up to you whether you wish to accept.
5. Do not plan deep throat kissing and sex immediately after unless there are extremely obvious signals. And even then, remember that you should be planning to remain an enigma at least for a few dates and resolve not to get into bed just yet. As a guy you should be planning to see her to her cab and then give her a small kiss on the cheek.
6. If you like your date, tell them. You don’t need to be explicit but you don’t need to be coy either. If you enjoyed their company be forthright and confident and tell them that you would look forward to spending more time in their company very soon. If you can arrange a second date at this stage, then do so, but only if you are serious. People do not like being made a fool of or being let down.
7. Do not try to avoid hurting someone’s feelings by pretending you like them more than you really do. If you had a good time but won’t be seeing them again then better to leave things like that.
8. Keep things relaxed, fun and casual and if you feel they are less interested than you, then keep things open-ended and optional. That way your date will have time to reconsider.
9. If you are a guy see your date safely to a cab or her car and do not make her feel any pressure whatsoever. If you are a girl then ensure you feel comfortable with this happening. If you prefer to see yourself to a cab then do so.
10. And finally but perhaps controversially, don’t offer friendship as substitute. This is a date and has it’s basis in romance. Ultimately you will find friends in many different places, but you should view dating as the possibility of establishing romance as your foremost priority.
Always remember that dating is a step-by-step process. Each first date is an opportunity to either build on the relationship or cut your losses and seek another one. Act accordingly.

Top Ways for Romance on Date

My list is designed to be a quick check for you to review. Use it to give you ideas to maintain your relationship, to give it a positive boost, or just simply for some ideas. My advice is to print this list off and give it to your partner and then take turns each on fulfilling what each other wants.
Always remember that just because you have started dating and may be seeing someone in the beginnings of your new relationship that you do not forget how to be romantic.


If anything, the longer you date someone the more romantic you become.
1. Hug him/her.
2. Write a love note.
3. Call him/her at work just to say “Hi”.
4. Give him/her a foot massage.
5. Tell him/her a joke.
6. Caress him/her with slow gentle strokes.
7. Go for a walk with him/her.
8. Admit your mistakes.
9. Say: “I love you”.
10. Indulge a whim.
11. Listen to him/her talk about an interest of his/hers.
12. Be trustworthy.
13. Instead of complaining, tell him/her what you would prefer.
14. Look at him/her when you’re in a discussion.
15. Send him/her flowers. (They’re not just for us girls).
16. Compliment something he/she did.
17. Offer to help.
18. Ask him/her to show you how to do something.
19. Write him/her a poem about how special he/she is to you.
20. Ask him/her what he/she’d like sexually.
21. Take an afternoon drive.
22. Go away together for a weekend holiday.
23. Do something he/she wants to do.
24. Listen to him/her (even if he is boring you).
25. Plan a candlelit dinner.
26. Look at old photos together.
27. Serve him/her breakfast in bed.
28. Take a shower together.
29. Share sexual fantasies.
30. Do a work project together.
31. Give him/her an all over body massage.
32. Plan a picnic lunch.
33. Repeat what he/she says before answering.
34. Send him/her a card.
35. Surprise him/her with a gift.
36. Cook his/her favorite meal.
37. Put on some romantic music.
38. Put together a compilation tape of both your favorite songs.
39. Ask for his/her opinion.
40. Ask him/her how they feel.
41. Let him/her know when you are proud of them.
42. Invite him/her to a secret rendezvous.
43. Listen openly to his/her opposing opinion.
44. Watch his/her favorite TV program with them.
45. Watch a sunset together.
46. Play a game together.
47. Have him/her teach you something he/she knows.
48. Go to a movie of his/her choice.
49. Meet him/her for lunch.
50. Let him/her know you care.

Dating Gifts - A Way to Romance & Love

Buying a gift for a date is prone to disaster so some careful thinking is involved. You meet someone, you like them, you want to please them so its only natural in our commercial world to want to get your plastic out and start spending. Wrong, stop an think about what you are doing. Gifts don’t buy love so neither do you. You love someone and they love you for genuine emotional reasons. Yes buying a present or two emphasizes kindness but it doesn’t play a major factor. For those who are well impressed by all gifts received, do yourself a favor and steer well clear.


To buy a dating gift well you need to know your lover first, well enough to surprise them and show some of your excellent imagination. The smallest amount of imagination shows forethought and kindness and it shows that you listen well. Which in a man’s case is hugely to his advantage when dating. Listen to her and surprise her later, much later.
When you first begin dating, you should show your knowledge and appreciation of the things you have learned about your new partner in very simple terms. For men you should buy flowers, small amounts of pretty natural flowers, not glaring bouquets of red roses. Don’t buy flowers every day because everything in large amounts is heavily devalued. Always give in person where you can as deliveries are too impersonal. Also look for pictures and books that she likes, the smallest of teddy bears perhaps and leave it there. For women, its often hard to buy for men but most have some keen interests in a sport or hobby they will have talked about and therefore once again keep it small but pertinent.
You should not then buy further presents until your dating evolves over the next 3 months. If a birthday arises then buy the other dinner as a treat and perhaps the smallest of dating gifts. If Christmas or a religious festival arises in this early period again keep it small and personal.
At the end of 3 months buy a gift for your partner that signifies this small landmark, just one item. Don’t make a big thing out of it but make it personal and in keeping with the character of your date. Splashing out on a trip to Venice can wait for your honeymoon. Guys, keep getting your lover small bunches of flowers and mean it when you give them.
You should then infrequently treat your partner with gifts until your first anniversary at which stage you can then let your imagination run riot. Once you approach your first year you really will be on the right road and now is the time to splash out and buy something more significant, whether it be a piece of keepsake jewelry or a watch or luxury item.
I know one couple who are friends who now buy each other more than 100 presents each at Christmas time.. It is their way of going crazy over each other and they both get immense satisfaction in the amount of creative thinking involved in selecting presents. However this kind of lavishness (if you can afford it) does come, but not until later. When you begin dating never forget that it is about the two of you, about your feelings and that no amount of gifts, large or small will make things better. If anything, large amounts of gifts early on can only have a negative effect by devaluing the whole dating experience.
The sad things is that most long term relationships crumble under infidelity or money problems. Don’t begin life with your new partner on the wrong foot. If you cannot afford an expensive dating gift, that is fine.
Our Top Dating Gifts

• Small bunches of natural flowers
• Quality perfume or cologne
• Cards and messages
• Paying for dinner
• Theater and concert tickets
• Paying for a small trip
• A well-researched book

Romance is a Part of Dating

Romantic memories about our romantic lives are important to all of us. I worked out once that in my adult life I had actually been single 14.5 years out of my first 20 adult years. It never actually felt like that but when I added up the time that I had really been with people in a proper sexual relationship, it was 6.5 years in 20 that I hadn’t been single. I am sure some people who have been married for 20 years could say the same thing. I always believed that it was better to be alone, than lonely within a relationship and I think that kept me grounded.


To be sure, I had had some great relationships beginning when I was 17 or 18 and occurring intermittently through my 20’s and 30’s and none of them I regretted (well maybe one more recently). I had always felt like relationships were easy to begin if I wanted and dates were never very hard to find if I made the effort. So really I look back on my teenage years, my twenties and my thirties as busy decades of dating and relating. After adding up the figures above I was amazed therefore to find out just how long I have been single. So why do I think that I have notbeen single so much?
Well the answer lies in my romantic memories and how I use them. If one has had some nice relationship experiences then they can sustain you for years afterwards. They are like love-food that helps keep you stable and hopeful. The memory of nice times in relationships is something that can be drawn on and reused over and over again. I rarely relate to how my relationships ended, though I do remember how. But during solitary spells in my life I have found that thinking back to when I was together with a certain person provides an underlying strength of character.
Romantic memories are crucial for single people because they re-enforce belief and a sense of optimism. Often I am asked if I believe in love at first sight or true love or Mr. Right or the perfect mate and I do. I do because I am a dreamer. I do because it makes the world a better and nicer place to be. I do because I choose to believe that relationships can be solid and stable and trusting and warm and comfortable as well as sexy, passionate and dramatic. Without romantic memories we have little to work on which we can relate to. We need our own sense of perspective when moving forwards and we do this by relating to our past emotional experiences.
Romantic memories can be a double edged sword because over the years they allow us to overanalyze past relationships and emotional situations. It is best to accept that we did what we did due to the best of our knowledge at the time. If a relationship ended badly let it go. If it was your fault, learn and grow from your mistakes and move on. If you were at the receiving end you may still be fighting for answers even years later and it often stunts our emotional development. Again the key ingredient is to try and learn and move on and perhaps form your own answers if there are none available. But bad memories must be put to rest before we are ready for new relationships.
My own romantic memories have proven a fountain of wealth over my singe years. The earliest innocent relationships remind me of the purity of being in love and being able to grow with another person. Later romantic memories allow me to understand how relationships can grow and build in a more mature sense. I never compare any relationships I have had as each must be remembered as being unique. But I can find great comfort and happiness in knowing how things can be between two people.
I find that thinking about romantic memories allows me to relax, it allows me to think of positive ideas on new dates, it allows me to not repeat mistakes and it allows me a sense of positivity and success. When you have been single for a while it is easy to think that you will never find anyone. By thinking back to romantic good-ties you should be able to reaffirm that you are a winner in romance and that you do have what it takes and that you must be patient.
Romantic memories allow us to be specific about what we are looking for in the future and what basics must be included in future partner characteristics. For example, after dating quite a few girls, I know what kind of character suits me best. I have learned how to compromise along the way, how the physical attraction is heightened exponentially by mental attraction and how being with someone in the longer term, is what life is all about.
Being single isn’t great. The only people who tell you it is are people aged 18 or people who are in bad relationships and want to get out. Yes the grass is always greener. The problem with being single is that is is essentially a lonely state of play. You have companionship through friends but you do hope of meeting someone special to share everything with. Let’s speak plainly, it is natural to want to be with someone.
The point of this short article is to stress that romantic memories are a source of strength for single people. There is absolutely no harm in looking back at previous relationships and finding sources of inspiration within. I can easily argue that we are who we have dated. The person who stands in front of the mirror today is as much the person who has dated certain people, as the food they have eaten. I think that if you are single today then try looking back on the relationships you have had to see if there are things there that can be useful as sources of optimism and fuel for the future.
If you have had mainly bad times then your memories are not romantic so ditch them and get rid of them. There is no use in looking back at what might have been. Romantic memories are only useful where they confirm a sense of love and understanding that currently you don’t have. The previous relationships are over, but the memories of good times will do a lot for you to drive you through to achieving romantic success in future.
Positive thoughts:

• Remember the good times and work out what you learned
• Remember what it felt like to be in love
• Think of the lessons you have learned from your relationships
• Decide what you like and what you don’t from these memories
• Realize that there is nothing wrong to use past relationships as a basis for positive energy
• Learn to look forward from the past
• Forget trying to mentally fix past relationships - they’re over

Do allow your children to have a view of your date but do not let their views influence your own judgment. A child may be jealous of losing attention.

Instant Love on Dating

How do we know when the person we have begun to date is more than just another date on our ever-growing list of nameless faces and faceless names? After all, surely we need some identifying features to root out the wheat from the chaff. Is this person we have seen 6 of 7 times just good fun or do we really think they have the qualities to become relationship material? To answer your own question you need to know who you are looking for and what characteristics are attractive to you and then try and stick to them. If you are dating the right kind of people for you and not just filling gaps in your diary then this may get you off to a good start.

Much of what determines your commitment to your date in the first few days and weeks is a combination of intuition, extra sensory perception (feelings) and what you care to see with your own eyes. If you are desperately lonely and want to meet anyone then anyone will do and this article is irrelevant. If, however, you are more choosey which I suspect deep down you all are, then you will want to tray and detect and then reassure yourself that you haven’t just made an awful mistake.

The first thing you should do after the first couple of dates is take a step back and be honest with yourself as to how you are truly feeling. Have you been swept off your feet, are you relieved they are nice, are you blown away by their good looks, can you handle the first few peculiarities you have spotted in them and although they are cute now, will they be in 40 years. Can you see yourself with them 10 years down the line. Can you picture them older. Do they make you feel alive because before you were bored or do they make you feel alive because they are dynamite.

Do you hang on their every word, wait for the next meeting with baited breath? Do you find yourself abandoning your old routine and new horizons opening up. Can you still eat or has your appetite gone. Have you been shopping to may yourself look fresh and hot. Do you find yourself getting in at 4am from a date and do you find yourself having any sleepless nights with your mind full of excited thoughts.

Do you find yourself anxious and panicking. Do you find yourself questioning the intensity of how you are feeling. Are you finding your feelings fully reciprocated. Is there a clear sense of communication between you. Do you actually have similar opinions and tastes or do you care? Do you want to spend all your time with them now or do you find that you are worried your current lifestyle is being compromised more than you would like. Are you doing the calling or are they and how does this make you feel?

In other words, start analyzing the situation as you see it and be bold. Be critical and look at where you are finding yourself being led. If you are happy and content with all the major questions then keep going because you may have just chosen well. If you find on the other hand that you have some small niggling doubts then don’t push these thoughts away as they aren’t going anywhere, they will just become amplified over time.

The main issue is one of whether you trust your new date and whether you believe what you are being told. It is amazing how many girls I meet how say that strangely they haven’t been allowed to see where he lives, or are not quite sure what he does for a living or how much he earns or where his parents live. This isn’t an enigma factor ladies, it is a sure sign that all is not quite right. There may be some perfectly valid reasons why things are concealed from you in the first few weeks so don’t push things too far. You may not yet have earned the right to know everything about your new love. At the same time, you should feel that the possibility of finding everything important out is imminent. Evasive behavior is exactly that - untrustworthy and your alarm bells should ring.

Trusting your imagination is very important. If you can see yourself with that person in all kinds of situations then you may have chosen well. It is important to creatively imagine how you think you will be together in various scenarios, from being on vacation, to being married, to maybe having children to being older. In doing so you get a sense of how things might work out or might not. If you really can’t see yourself with them long term then maybe better to cut your losses whilst you can.

Conversation is critical in establishing if things feel right. Sex does not disguise any problems eventually although sex is a good temporary fix. If your relationship is based on sex then its great whilst it lasts but I doubt that it will last. People say that opposites attract and that is true in that you bring different experiences and opinions to the relationship but the foundation of being a great couple is on a deeper, more critical level of respect and understanding. I find that couples with similar outlooks on life do well together because they have built a support system for each other which requires little explanation. It is called a common understanding. This sometimes explains why couples from certain regions, places, or faiths have better success than the melting pot luck of a big city.

Ultimately if you compliment each other and you find that your new love brings to the relationship most of the essential qualities that you really do hold most dear then you are in a strong position for relationship success. If there are some basic flaws but you are having a good time anyway enjoy yourself but know that the person you are with is for now and not for the future.

How to do the Romance

Romance is at the heart of any dating experience. If you don’t consider yourself romantic then you are wrong. I don’t know of anyone on this planet who doesn’t have the ability to fall in love. Therefore if you can fall in love, you can be romantic too. Romance is not in the grand gestures , it is in the small details. Women will often say that it is the small things that matter. The small gestures but it is down to both men and women to start being romantic. It is a two-way process and both parties get an immense amount of pleasure from showing they care about someone.


Yes we would all love to have a romantic picnic on a deserted Caribbean beach with the person of our dreams but romance begins closer to home with tips such as these:

• Understand what romance means and why it is important and learn what romantic aspects there are to your own character. No one has a heart made of stone, however tough their exterior.
• Understand that romance is not the sole domain of women and that men who are romantic are far more successful when dating
• Romance has nothing whatsoever to do with masculinity. In fact, being romantic can enhance your masculinity and reputation with girls.
• Not all women are naturally romantic either but that doesn’t have to be the case.
• The key to being romantic is thoughtfulness. So start being a little less thoughtless and selfish.
• Communicate with your partner on every level and anticipate their desires and needs.
• Look at your partner when they are talking and hold their gaze
• Learn that mood, location, situation and ambience can heighten romance with dramatic effect
• Phone just to say hello, I love you and surprise your partner
• Learn to say, I love you and mean it. Don’t say it ever, if you don’t mean it
• Send them notes and small cards telling them you are thinking of them
• Be spontaneous and do little deeds that show you are thinking about them
• Start going for walks together, whatever the weather
• Put your partner first, particularly as a surprise with a spontaneous trip away
• Think creatively and plan a surprise weekend away
• Buy flowers any time of the year, nice ones not just roses
• Remember birthdays, anniversaries and landmark days such as the day you first met and plan something
• Listen to the clues your partner gives you, such as things they like and books they read and buy little gifts
• Keep being romantic. In a good relationship, romance never ends
• Compromise. Putting yourself first is not romantic.
• Write him/her a letter and let them know that you love them and you mean it. People send far few letters these days. Use good quality stationery too.
• Watch romantic movies together and invest quality time doing the things you share and both enjoy
• Make cards rather than buying them. It shows thought and inspiration.
• Take your partner on a picnic to the park or beach and prepare in advance without involving them. Initiative illustrates romance nicely
• Don’t be a cold fish. Learn how to hug, cuddle and make physical contact. Touching without sex is far more romantic but don’t always hug without kissing!
• Kiss your date and learn to appreciate the finer qualities of kissing for its own sake
• Dance together when the occasion arises and show them special attention
• Hold hands and do anything make your partner feel close to you
• Hold and hug your partner in bed, especially after sex
• Talk chat and converse about anything and everything
• Allow your partner to breathe and do separate things to heighten the sense of romance when you are together
• If you don’t cook dinner for your date, start learning my friend. A surprise dinner with candles is romantic
• Buy small gifts spontaneously that show great thought in what they enjoy. But not too many otherwise it has the opposite effect
• Remember that romance is often about giving of yourself, even if it is simply your precious time when you could have had other plans. Making your partner a priority is vital
• Do things that make you both laugh. Laughter and romance go hand in hand
• Remember that romance is in the small details and does not need to be expensive in any way. I’d rather receive a handmade card any day than an expensive gift
• Anticipate your partner’s wishes and desires to show them you are listening to them and that you care
• Expect rightfully that romance is a two-way process though the romance you provide is simply giving of yourself

First Kiss

It depends where you are sitting when reading this article. For many countries in Asia for example kissing is a private affair that almost never happens in public. I remember a Filipino guy I worked with in Singapore who was completely amazed to the point of hysteria that two men were seen kissing in public on the London tube. He simply couldn’t deal with that concept at all. I have lived in Asia for a while and it was very rare the whole time I was there to meet indigenous people who kissed openly. Indeed in Thailand it was far more common to rub noses than to ever touch lips.
Kissing is a sexual act to some degree and some societies simply do not view kissing as appropriate behavior in public. Even in the UK , overt kissing in public is often frowned upon by older members of the public, even if as a youngster its perfectly natural. Then again on a summer evening in Rome, or a city park in Paris, I would expect to see couples of every age group kissing passionately as the most natural thing in the world. It all depends on where you are you see.



In western society kissing is a pretty normal mainstream pastime and rather lovely at that. The problem occurs when we start dating and are not sure when we should kiss and to what extent. The crux appears to be that we want our first kiss with someone we like to be prefect. If we begin dating and we don’t kiss its unsettling, but if we are French Kissing (openmouthed) on day 1 the romance can dissolve too quickly. So it is a matter of waiting.
There is no definite here but it is pretty much accepted that on a first date, if it goes well then you should offer or accept a small kiss on the cheek and nothing more. This will occur when you go your separate ways and says that a basic level of attraction has been built up. The desire may be to kiss the lips off your date but hold back if you can. Anticipation is the mother of desire.
Of course by your second date, if you are both displaying all the signs of attraction then it won’t take long before you are kissing more passionately but again it depends on the situation, culture and person you are with. Find the right place and wait as long as you cam I was dating a girl in Hong Kong and waited two weeks , seeing her 4 times a week, before we kissed properly. Believe me the kiss was worth the wait because it happened at the top of the mountain above Hong Kong called The Peak set against the lightening of an electric storm. An electric kiss it surely was and totally memorable for all the right reasons.
One thing that amazes me even now is how many people can’t kiss. What I mean by that is that there are some people out there for who kissing means the oral Olympics. Having your tonsils pinned against the back of your throat by a tongue hardened like a javelin is not pleasant. The other issue seems to be people who purse their lips and make their mouth very hard when kissing. Kissing is a soft, delicate and sensual pastime savored slowly. Follow the lips of your partner and take things slowly and gently, allowing lips to brush and move so much so that they hardly touch. Kissing should make you shiver. Concentrate on the delicate corners of the mouth which are extremely sensitive and generally let the force guide you. As many woman will tell a man, kissing can be undertaken for hours and many women prefer kissing to anything else. It can be extremely sensual and sexual so don’t ignore the technique.
I remember a date once telling me that she could never kiss passionately until she was sure the man was in love with her. She felt that ‘proper’ kissing was so explicit that it was inextricably linked to sex. If she began to kiss properly she wanted to go to bed. This tell us that kissing on dates means different things to different people. Don’t expect too much at first, a kiss to some people means a great deal more to some than it may to you.
Sometimes dates will be shy and require encouragement to kiss so once you have had a few dates do take the initiative if you feel your date is being a little too shy and requires cajoling. The problem with that though is that many men are convinced they have misread the signals and dare not try and kiss in case they are wrong. This in turn can lead to a man appearing as lacking in confidence which can be critically bad. Take it from me guys, if you are on your third or fourth date and you haven’t kissed but you are getting on great you may be better taking some small initiative.
Guys should also remember that kissing does not automatically lead to any other physical contact for some time, so be patient and take things slowly.

• Make sure you know how to kiss
• Ensure your hygiene is spot on
• Carry some gum if you need to freshen up
• Floss regularly
• Remember to kiss gently and sensitively
• Wait until you are ready to kiss and choose your moment
• Allow the passion of kissing to build up slowly
• Remember that a first kiss should be memorable
• take the initiative if your partner is shy
• Learn the key body signals that demonstrate conclusively that your date wants to be kissed
• Remember that good kissing can be as sensual as sex
• Appreciate that some people do not liked to be kissed in public